Effective Strategies and Exercises for Improving Communication in Marriages
Improving communication in your marriage is probably the single most important thing you can do to save your marriage. Communication problems in marriage are the single biggest contributor to marital conflict, so resolving those communication issues is the best thing you can do to give you and your spouse a fighting chance to keep a marriage together.
If you're looking for marriage communication exercises to help you practice effective communication, be sure to check out the highly successful Save My Marriage Today ebook by Amy Waterman.
Learn how to listen.
Good communication in a marriage requires that you learn how to listen. Most couples have sensitive topics where one of the members becomes immediately defensive when the spouse brings it up. Other couples spend so much time talking about the same issues over and over again that it may not sink in that the issue has finally become serious. In some cases, one spouse may feel unsafe taking about certain issues because the other spouse is hostile, degrading or aggressive when those issues are raised. Regardless of the particular problems that plague your marriage, effective communication in a marriage requires that you learn how to keep your mouth shut and listen when your spouse is communicating something important. Resist the impulse to argue or become defensive if you and your spouse are discussing a sensitive topic. Don't try to solve a problem immediately. Just listen. Try using phrases like "I'm sorry you feel that way," or "I understand how frustrated that must make you feel." Sometimes, that's all your spouse needs to hear.
Avoid using absolutes, issuing ultimatums and making threats.
It can be really frustrating if you feel that your spouse isn't listening or isn't responding to your needs. However, using absolutes, such as "You always" or "You never" is just going to make your spouse defensive. Don't use absolutes to communicate, but instead explain to your spouse why their behaviour upsets you. The same thing goes for issuing ultimatums and making threats. You may feel that the only way you'll get anything done is to threaten your spouse: "If you don't do the dishes, I'm never cooking dinner for you again." This is effectively the same as using absolutes. It puts your spouse in a defensive posture and will only make them resent you for 'forcing' them to do something.
Use positive language instead of negative language.
Ever heard the phrase: "You can catch more bees with honey than vinegar"? The same thing goes for effective communication in your marriage. Don't say things like: "I've been waiting for you to repair the kitchen sink for weeks now! When are you going to get around to it?" Instead, try something like: "Honey, I'll be really happy when the kitchen sink is fixed. When do you think you might have time to work on it?" Asking for things is extremely effective when you make your spouse feel like he or she is the only one who can do it, or they can do it better than anyone else. Everyone likes to feel wanted and needed, but no-one likes to feel nagged and ordered around. Find a way to make your communication positive, and your spouse will respond in ways that make you both happy.
Find the right time and place to talk.
If your husband is trying to watch the football game, it's probably not the right time to talk about working on your marriage or fixing an issue that's important to you. Give you and your spouse a chance to practice good communication in your marriage by having important discussions in appropriate times and places. Don't get into a big discussion about disagreements you have regarding your children's behaviour while your visiting the in-laws; agree to talk about important issues when your home, in a comfortable setting where you can both give your full attention to important discussions. Trying to have an important discussion when one or both of you is distracted is a sure-fire way to get frustrated, angry and invite misunderstanding. Improving communication in marriage means you set aside time for important conversations, and respect your spouse's activities by not trying to start an important discussion when they're doing something they enjoy.
Improve communication in your marriage by learning to talk about problems.
In many marriages, one or both spouses may have trouble talking about important issues. This may stem from childhood, poor habits formed in prior relationships or even a lack of communication in marriage. In order to have a successful marriage, it's absolutely vital that both partners discuss problems and issues when they come up. If you wait for a problem to go away on its own, you'll likely develop resentment and anger issues that can cause major problems in your marriage. For more help on improving communication in marriage, try out the proven methods in the Save My Marriage Today ebook.
