Learn the Art of Conflict Resolution in Marriage. Put an End to Lengthy Disputes

Do you ever see the couples who never seem to fight, and wish you were one of them? They key to a long, happy marriage isn't to never fight - it's to manage conflict in a healthy way through successful conflict resolution. It's inevitable that you'll have conflict in any long-term relationship, so it's essential to learn good conflict resolution skills in your marriage. If you master these skills, you can resolve any conflict without causing long-term damage to your marriage. If you fail to master the skills to resolving conflict in your marriage, you and your spouse could hurt each other tremendously and ultimately cause the dissolution of your marriage.

If poor conflict resolution skills have already damaged your marriage, consider the Save My Marriage Today eCourse for in-depth information on how to rebuild trust and communication.

1. Don't let your anger fester.
You've probably heard this one before, but it's just as important in your marriage as in other aspects of your life. Don't let your anger fester. If you don't communicate when you get angry, but bottle it up instead, you'll just explode later with a major overreaction to a minor issue. When you're upset or angry, communicate with your spouse. Tell him or her why you're upset and how you feel. It's not fair to 'save things up' for a big argument and then air all of your grievances for the past six months. Instead, deal with issues as they arise and prevent your marital conflict from becoming a mountain out of a mole hill. Communicating clearly when you're upset or angry is the first and most important rule for resolving marriage conflict.

2. Don't call names, throw insults around or use sarcasm.
The key to successful marriage conflict resolution is to keep your discussion focused on your emotions, the problems and the way to fix it. If you're getting too angry to discuss your issues rationally, take a step back and focus on being fair to one another. Don't say something in the heat of anger that you'll regret later. Calling names, insulting your spouse or employing sarcasm are all designed to hurt and belittle your spouse - not to resolve conflict in marriage. Before you speak, think about whether your comment will help communicate your position or promote a possible solution. If what you're about to say is entirely inflammatory and adds no real value to the conversation, bite your tongue. If you're making a well-deserved point, be careful to phrase it in a way that isn't designed to hurt your spouse, but rather to resolve the conflict in your marriage. If you and your spouse can't be nice in private, consider taking your discussion to a public venue where you know you'll both be forced to behave.

3. Learn how to effectively use the time-out.
It's never a good idea to walk away from an argument punitively or to get in the last word. However, if you're getting too angry to communicate clearly, or if you feel that your conflict is escalating towards physical violence, take a time-out and walk away from the argument. Conflict resolution in a marriage is impossible if one of the parties is unable to listen and behave rationally, so if you reach that point, take a break. If you feel that your spouse is reaching that point, suggest a break. A time-out could consist of anything from walking out to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, to leaving the house for a quick walk around the block, to going for the gym for a workout. If you use the time-out, establish rules for how long you can walk away - i.e. don't leave for a few days and then come home and expect everything to be fine. Use your time-out to relax and calm down, and then resume the process of resolving your marriage conflict fresh and relaxed.

4. Communicate clearly and fairly.
Avoid using 'you-statements' that only make your spouse defensive, such as "you never cook dinner," and instead focus on 'I-statements' to communicate your feelings, such as "I'm disappointed that we don't spend more time together." If you don't know what your spouse is trying to say, ask for clarification rather than trying to create meaning. Don't use "never" or "always" generalizations, which only make your spouse feel defensive. If you're careful to use the right vocabulary for conflict resolution in your marriage, you and your spouse can successfully navigate any issue that comes up in your marriage. Before you speak, think about what you're going to say and how you would feel if your spouse was saying it to you. If your comment would make you feel defensive, find a different way to say it so your spouse can respond rationally without feeling attacked.

Learning the skills for resolving conflict in your marriage is only one small part of building a healthy marriage and resolving long-term issues. If you'd like more hints on how to save your marriage and build a healthy relationship with your spouse, check out Amy Waterman's instructive marriage e-book course.