Relationship Guru Reveals How to Save Your Marriage after Separation
Separation should be a last resort if you're trying to save your marriage, but it can provide a much-needed release valve for you and your spouse to work through difficult feelings. If your marriage has gotten so tense that you and your spouse constantly argue, can't have a constructive conversation or feel miserable together, then the time may be right for a temporary separation. A separation can help you work through the issues that plague your marriage individually, so that when you and your spouse reunite, you'll be ready to commit to your marriage again. You'll need help to work through the issues in your marriage, so check out a marriage resource like the Save My Marriage Today eCourse by Amy Waterman.
Can separation save a marriage?
If you are considering a trial separation, commit to making it a short-term process. Don't sign a lease on an apartment, but instead go stay with family or friends. If you give yourself the ability to stay away from your marriage long-term, you'll have less incentive to enter a potentially difficult situation to resolve your marriage conflicts. However, if you use your separation to work through individual issues that you have with your marriage and recharge your batteries, you'll be able to go back into your marriage ready to resolve your problems and fix the issues that you and your spouse are having.
How to save your marriage after separation.
In order to save your marriage after separation, you must use your separation to identify the problems that you and your spouse have with your marriage and work on any individual issues you're having. Take things slow and easy while working through marriage issues. A separation usually comes after a period of unhappiness, or it may be precipitated by an especially drastic issue, such as an instance of infidelity. In either case, you and your spouse are both working through a host of issues before you can recommit to your marriage. Don't act on impulse while you're dealing with these issues. It's all too easy to say something you don't mean or to give up on your marriage when you're going through emotional trauma.
Don't be afraid to seek help.
If you feel that the issues are too difficult for you to tackle alone, consider meeting with a therapist or a marriage counsellor. Trained professionals can help you get a handle on problems that may be too big for you and your spouse to take on by yourselves. If your marriage issues stem from childhood trauma or prior relationships, you may need the aid of a counsellor to help you work through those issues in order to get your marriage back on track. Separation can save your marriage, but only if you give yourselves an even playing ground from which to start fresh. If you go back into your marriage without working on your issues during the separation, you'll be back in the exact same position.
Separation can save a marriage if you and your spouse are prepared to be good to each other.
One of the keys to successfully saving your marriage after a separation is to return to your spouse prepared to be kind to one another. If major issues caused your separation, aside from working through them together, you must resolve to leave those issues in the past. A separation can help you get a little distance from your problems and give you a clean slate, but if you come back to the table bringing back the baggage from the past, you're not giving your marriage a fair chance. Don't call names, cast accusations or try to make your spouse feel 'bad' for behaviour prior to the separation. Agree to leave the past behind you, and commit to being good to your spouse and making one another happy. If you're both concentrating on ways to make each other happy, it's hard to fail.
Learning how to save your marriage after separation is a two-way street.
In order to save your marriage after separation, you and your spouse must both be committed to saving your marriage. If one of you isn't giving your full effort, it can be impossible to get things back on track. Both you and your spouse must be clear with expectations, learn how to communicate better and practice good conflict resolution. If you didn't already have these skills in your marriage before a separation, you won't automatically know how to practice them after you and your spouse re-unite. You'll have to learn them, or else you and your spouse are back in the same boat as you were before the separation. If you're not sure how to start getting things back on track and learning how to communicate effectively with your spouse, check out the Save My Marriage ebook. The Save My Marriage Today resources are full of exercises to guide you and your spouse through the processes of learning how to build a better marriage.