What to Expect from Marriage Counseling Services - How to Make Sure Your Time and Money is Well Spent
Marriage counselling is often a last-ditch effort to save a troubled marriage headed for divorce. If you haven't yet reached the point that you and your spouse are considering divorce, try subscribing to our free marriage tips newsletter instead. If you do think you're headed down that rocky path, know what to expect from marriage counselling before you go into the first session. In order to make marriage counselling work, you need to have realistic expectations and goals and be willing to commit to the process.
What to expect from marriage counselling: the goal of marriage counselling.
In most cases, the purpose of marriage counselling is to improve you and your spouse's communication skills and help you learn how to resolve problems. This is achieved by talking openly and honestly about your problems while you're in session. The idea of marriage counselling is to create a 'save environment' where you and your spouse can talk freely about what has been bothering you, without being interrupted, without fear of yelling or a defensive reaction and with an impartial mediator in the room. Oftentimes, a marriage counsellor can help you spot problems that you didn't even see in your relationship, and help you mediate issues to their conclusion.
Prepare for marriage counselling before every session.
You're paying the marriage counsellor to help you and your spouse, so think about what issues truly need help prior to going into a session. Don't use a session to continue last week's arguments, but instead discuss the issues that lead to arguments and how the two of you can resolve them amicably. Decide before a session what you want to discuss and how you want to focus while you're in the room with the marriage therapist. Be prepared to let your spouse speak freely without getting defensive, because arguing needlessly in front of the marriage counsellor just wastes your money and effort.
Do your homework.
Most marriage counsellors give you homework between sessions to help highlight the things that bother you or teach you better communication techniques. In some cases, the homework is only designed to make you think about your relationship. In other cases, the marriage therapist will use the homework in session to isolate problems and help you and your spouse move forward with conflict resolution. If you or your spouse doesn't do your homework, you have essentially wasted that session. Your discussion may instead turn to why you didn't do the homework or arguments and feelings of bitterness about doing homework at all, and the problems that you and your spouse want to resolve may be completely neglected. At the very least, you can't get the most for your money out of your marriage counselling session unless you do your homework.
Keep in mind that the therapist needs to get to know your relationship.
One of the biggest things people fail to consider when they're thinking about what to expect from marriage counselling is that the therapist must get to know you and your spouse to some degree, and see you interact in your relationship, before he or she can begin to help you. If you and your spouse go into marriage counselling well-prepared and ready to make things work, this 'getting to know you' phase may only require a short time and you may be able to begin working on your problems almost immediately. However, if you and your spouse are busy bickering, casting blame and ignoring the therapist's suggestions, it can take several sessions before you truly begin to work on your marriage troubles. Keep this in mind when you're thinking about what to expect in marriage counselling, and make an effort to be cooperative and avoid arguing in session because it's a waste of your time and money.
Average marriage counselling statistics.
The cost and number of marriage counselling sessions that you'll need varies greatly depending on region and the severity of your marriage troubles. Depending on your region and the qualifications of your therapist, marriage counselling may range anywhere from $75 per hour to $300 per hour, or more. If you're dealing with fairly mild marriage troubles, you may be able to work through them in as little as 3-5 sessions. However, if you're dealing with serious marriage troubles, including infidelity, domestic violence or issues stemming from childhood or personal problems, you may need as many as 25 sessions to get your marriage back on track. Marriage counselling can also reveal a need for individual counselling, if you or your spouse has underlying issues causing many of the marriage problems. If you're not sure what to expect from marriage counselling or aren't willing to commit to this process - don't start it. If you can't finish it, it's just a waste of money.
Before you turn to marriage counselling, try to work on your marital issues with your spouse using the proven techniques found in the acclaimed Save My Marriage Today eCourse by Amy Waterman. This book contains information and exercises designed to help you and your spouse work through marriage issues without the time and expense of a marriage counsellor.
